The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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