I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
