You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
