He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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