Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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