Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize