My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
