the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
