Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
