I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
