there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
