20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
