Pants 0. Shit 1.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i dont even know how to be here
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
did i just pee glitter
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
