I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
