dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so much tequila, so little girl.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
