Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
