I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
