you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
