Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
