It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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