I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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