guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
True college students do jello shots in the library
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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