we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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