It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
