I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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