My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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