dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
