The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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