Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
