when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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