Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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