I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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