Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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