Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
