There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize