I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
