you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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