Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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