that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
