His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
