Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize