I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
