In America we eat man semen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
