woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
