its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
