Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
