I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
