I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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