So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize