I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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