I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
