It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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