was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
