Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
