there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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