GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this will be a night to untag.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
