You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize