Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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