So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
