Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pants are for mortals
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
