if i can run in heels then i can drive
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
