college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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