omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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