So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
