Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
