i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
