Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
