??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to make out with him forever
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
