I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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